Are you playing the debit and credit game this school holiday? Everyone is happy, plus, most people are happy – still in the positive column. A slammed door, sniping back and forth, a wayward sibling elbow accidental (or not) – debit that positivity.
We certainly are. The holidays offer so much, but often it’s too much. Too much time, too many options, room for endless discussion about what to do, and from my youngest what’s fair. Oh how many times have I explained that fairness and equality aren’t the same thing when you have a (much) older sister.
So debits and credits get us through. Not just through, but remind us that the moments that tip into frustration, anger or pettiness aren’t ever present. Also that even the best loved moments aren’t sickly sweet perfection. Everything has its rough edges, something to temper the experience. Yet, if on balance, at the end of the day we’re firmly in credit then we’re winning.
And I think we are managing to cling onto our credit balance. Some days the credit is definitely clearer than others, but with friends pretty much absent due to holiday adventures, and the time being spent together increasing exponentially, I’m taking that as a win.
What is helping me tip the balance at the moment?
Planning – just a little, so we know roughly what’s coming the next day, opened up to everyone to help decide (which is the tricky bit).
Flexibility – because the weather turns, someone gets a bad night’s sleep, or a plan created just doesn’t seem to suit the day or probably more likely, the mood. A plan B or a few off the cuff suggestions can save you all from inertia.
Space – everyone needs it (some more than others), so judging this often proves tricky, especially with a teenager thrown into the mix. And I need to remember to count myself in this too. Energy levels dip easily, especially in the heat and a little time doing something for me, helps rebuild my tolerance levels ready for the next dispute.
Patience – ok, I think this is on me to demonstrate, and some days it’s harder than others, but being conscious of its necessity is a good start, isn’t it? Whilst it would be great for us all to be patient with each other and live a charmed life, it’s a skill my kids are learning……..and slowly. So for now, I figure it’s on me to be my best patient self, until the inevitable snap. Because it always comes.
What else? Oh yes, social media. When I see fab photos on social media – the beach trip with ear to ear grins, the giggles around the dinner table, the chilled rosé lakeside on an elegant rug – I try to remember it’s just evidence of a credit moment, rather than a detailed exposé of the day. And I can’t begrudge anyone an extra point in the credit column. Because in my experience a debit usually isn’t far away – screaming overreaction to a wasp, a “she pushed me under and I couldn’t breathe” moment or a “I hate this / you / everyone” – to counterbalance.
And what if it’s a debit day overall? One of those where you reach mid-afternoon and it’s clear that only five hours of complete (unattainable) perfection will overcome the day so far. Well, sometimes it’s worth giving up, accepting the terrible day completely rather than looking for improvement. Because tomorrow we will just hit reset, and sometimes it’s all that’s needed.